


I Will Not Bow

by EnvyRyuu



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Character Death, Explicit Sexual Content, Horror, Humor, M/M, Sadstuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-15
Updated: 2013-10-13
Packaged: 2017-12-26 17:05:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/968394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EnvyRyuu/pseuds/EnvyRyuu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Why is it always the bad dreams that cause trouble?  Can't good dreams cause insanity too?</p><p>Will it ever be the same?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Why?

Chapter One: Why?

He sat up in his bed, tears running down his cheeks. His chest was throbbing, his heart slamming against his chest. He gulped, sweat dripping from his chin. His eyes were wide, his blonde hair sticking to his face. He let a terrified breath escape his throat. He looked around his room, his vision coming back. His eyes came in contact with the man lying next to him. He eyes were closed, his black hair lying on his forehead. He was sleeping soundly. Bastard… He thinks, getting out of the bed. His legs are somewhat unstable as he leaves his room. He can hear his brother snoring in the room down the hall. He sighs, swallowing hard. 

The light of the kitchen startles him at first, but gets used to the brightness. He opens the refrigerator, grabbing a bottle of water. He lifts the bottom of his shirt, wiping his face with it after he takes a few gulps from the bottle. Rain patters against the window outside, thunder booming. He looks at the stove, searching for the time. 3:52a.m… He sighs, setting the bottle on the counter. He turns around.

“GAH!” He screams, jumping. A sleepy man stands, rubbing his eye. 

“Dave…” He whimpers, yawning. “…what’s wrong..?” He asks, walking up to him.

Dave gulps, sighing in relief. He reaches out, touching the man’s face. “It’s nothing John. Just another nightmare.” He says calmly.

John wraps his arms around him, snuggling his face in the blonde’s chest. “Again..? Nnn…why..?”

Dave smiles softly, wrapping his arms around John as well. He lowers his head, nuzzling the top on John head, his black hair tickling his nose. “It was probably the movie we watched or somethin’. I’ll be fine. Don’t worry.” He whispers, holding John tighter, trying not to begin trembling again.

John closes his eyes, sighing peacefully. “Then come back to bed. It’s cold without you there…”

Dave grins. He always made him feel better. He felt so much safer with John in his arms. “Alright Egbert. I’ll be there in a minute.”

John pulls back slightly, moving up by standing on his toes. His lips meet Dave’s cheek. He smiles softly, winking at him. He disappears down the hall.

Dave laughs to himself, leaning back against the counter. His head wasn’t aching as much anymore. He was glad. As long as John was there to comfort him, nothing could hurt him. He sets the bottle back in the fridge, heading back to his room. His fingers brush the light switch, the house going black again. He finds his room easily, closing the door behind him. He crawls back into bed, John already fast asleep again. He kisses the top of his head, lying down next to him. He touches his face gently, smiling yet again. I love you John…but I could never tell you that…  
~~~

 

“…ve.”

The noise rustles his brain slightly, but not enough to wake him. He rolls over, snoring lightly.

“…ave. Com…n…”

He moans, trying to ignore the words. Something presses against his shoulder, pulling him further from slumber.

“Dave…wake up…”

His eyes open slowly, meeting bright blue ones. He swallows, stretching.

“Mornin sleepy head.” John giggles. He touches Dave’s face, poking his cheek. “Remember? You promised we’d go see Insidious 2 today.”

Dave blinks, completely forgetting he had said that. “Oh…right. Damn…sorry. I gotta shower, then we can go…alright?”

John smiles. “Alright! I’ll be waiting for you in the living room.” He leaves Dave’s room, humming some crazy tune. It sounded something like “Teenage Dream” or some shit like that. Dave gets up, heading to his bathroom. He pulls off his shirt and boxers, stepping into the shower. Cold water splashes against his skin, causing him to cringe. He sighs as it gets warmer. He holds his head back, letting the water soak into his hair. He begins to shampoo it, humming.  
~~~

 

John clings to him, holding his hand as they walked into the theater. He’s laughing about something insanely stupid, as pre-usual. He smiles at him, shaking his head. He hands the employee their tickets. The man rips them, smiling at them. He directs them to the theater. Dave nods, thanking him.  
“Do you want anything, or will you just wait till we get in the theater to decide?” Dave smirks.  
“I do not do that!” John laughs, sticking his tongue out at him.  
Dave laughs with him, pulling him up to the concession stand. “A medium popcorn and a large Coke please.” He says to the woman at the counter. He pulls out two 20 dollar bills as the woman prepares their food.

“$25.23 please.”

Dave hands her the money. John grabs the food as she counts Dave’s change.

“Here you go.” She hands him the money. 

“Thanks.” He nods, pulling John towards the theater.  
~~~

 

“And when the guy popped out and was like “BLEH!” It scared me half to death Dave! That was awesome! What if they make another one! Oooh! That would be so awesome! I can’t wait!” John rambled on about the movie.

Dave checked his phone. 5:35p.m…Hmm… “Hey John…” He began.

“Hmm? What’s up?” He asked, realizing he had been talking too much.

“Wanna get some dinner? Like Carrabba’s or somethin’?”

John’s face lights up. “Really?! You would do that?!”

Dave laughs. “Of course I would. But…only for you...” He stops, taking John by the hips. He leans down, kissing him. His tongue slips through John’s lips, exploring his mouth.

John’s cheeks flood with a deep shade of red, his eyes wide. His hands grip Dave’s shirt, his knees shaking.

Dave pulls away, John letting out a huge breath. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you.” He whispers, holding John to him.

John gulps, looking down. “N-No…i-it’s fine. I just…wasn’t expecting you to do that.”

Dave just laughs, taking his hand. “Come on. Let’s go eat. Then we can have a little fun afterwards.” He winks.

John blushes once again, but smiles. “O-Okay…”  
~~~

 

Their lips smash together. They stumble into Dave’s apartment, breaking away. 

“D-Dave…w-what about your bro..?”

Dave grins. “He’s with Jake tonight. He won’t be coming home anytime soon.” Dave captures John’s lips again, groping his plump butt.

“D-Dave!” John squeaks.

God… He thinks. I love it when he does that… He licks his lips, getting insanely turned on by John’s face. His hands make their way up John’s shirt, softly rubbing his nipples.

“Nnn…S-Strider…”

Well fuck… That turned him on even more. He was going insane. He pushed John onto the couch, pushing his shirt up. His lips find John’s chest, sucking on his nipples, hard.

“Faaa...” John moans, bucking his hips against Dave’s body.

Dave brings his knee up to John’s bulge, rubbing slightly.

A pleasurable moan escapes John’s lips. He grabs Dave’s hair, pulling slightly. He calls out his last name again, almost in a begging tone.

Dave’s breath becomes faster, his erection pressing against his jeans, begging to be released. He reaches for John’s jeans, unbuttoning them. The front of John’s underwear is soaked, and his shaft is extremely hot. Dave grins, teasing the tip of it with his finger.

“D-Don’t…tease me…” John whispers, breathless.

“Sorry…” Dave says, a seductive tone in his voice. He rubs the front of John’s boxer’s a little rough at first. 

John thrusts into Dave’s hand, begging for more.

Dave lowers his lips to John’s erection, running his tongue up the shaft, kissing the tip. His index finger pokes at John’s entrance, soon being engulfed by tightness.

“Ahh!” John gripped Dave’s shirt, throwing his head back. His body trembled as he wrapped his legs around Dave’s waist. “D-Dave…haaa…” He whimpered, bucking his hips again. It was clear he wanted him. And he wanted him now.

Dave removed his finger, undoing his own jeans. He pulled them half way down his thighs, running his tongue along his fingers. He pushed another finger into John’s flexing entrance, wiggling them.

John shivered in ecstasy, moving with Dave’s fingers. “M-More…” He moaned, tear in his eyes. His cheeks were red, his breath husky. “Please…” He begged.

Dave entered a third, waiting for a moment as he rubbed their erections together. He removed his fingers, smiling at the small wine John gave out when he did so. He placed John legs on his shoulders, holding his hips. He slowly moved forward.

“Faahhh!” John cried out, reaching for Dave’s chest. Sweat dripped from his chin as he called out Dave’s name. “F-Faster..!” He called, wrapping his arms around Dave’s neck.

Dave thrusted faster, going as deep as he possibly could. His nibbled on John ear as hot liquid poured into his hand. Dave squeezed his eyes shut, releasing inside him. John fell back, letting his arms fall. Dave rested his head on John’s chest, kissing his soft skin. John’s arms wrapped around him again, stroking his hair.

“I love you Dave.” He whispered.

Dave’s face went completely red. He couldn’t say it. He didn’t know why. Something was holding him back. It was almost like fear.

“Dave…” John’s voice interrupted his thoughts.

He sat up, looking at him. “Y-Yeah..?”

“Did you hear me?” He asked meekly, embarrassed to say it again.

Dave thought a moment. He thought about lying, but then again, that would just add more fear and pressure. “Yes…” He said quietly.

Tears formed in John’s glorious blue eyes. “Why?” He said, a pained tone in his voice.

His heart stung, but he just couldn’t. It scared the living shit out of him to even think about it. “W-Why what..?” He asked, even though he knew what he meant.

John looked away, a tear rolling down his cheek. “Why don’t you say it back?”

Fear, guilt and pain surged through him; he was on the verge of tears. “I…” He had no clue what to say. He couldn’t tell John. He couldn’t say how much it hurt; how scared he was to even speak those words. It hurt him the most, because he didn’t even know. I just wanna fucking know why!  
~~~


	2. Broken Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Don't fall in love..."

Chapter Two: Broken Heart

 

The cool metal slid across his skin, causing him to shiver. His eyes were full of complete horror as the man above him grinning evilly. Pale lips trailed down his chest, licking the already bleeding wounds.

“P-Please…s-stop..!” The helpless boy yelled.

Red eyes grew wide as he watches. He opens his mouth to scream, but can’t. JOHN! His mind yells. He reaches out, trying to get to him, but can’t. NO! PLEASE! 

The long blade shines in the dim moonlight. John lies on a table, strapped down. He was completely naked. His body was trembling with feel as the sword came closer to him. A man stood before him, kissing him naked body. John blue eyes had faded to a light grey. Dave could see the blood pooling on the ground. John begins to cry, completely helpless. John let his head fall to the side, his eyes meeting Dave’s. He reaches out shaking. 

“S-Strider…” He whimpers, more tears streaming down his cheeks. The clear salty tears turned into red rivers of death.

Horror struck Dave’s body. Watching the man he loved, cry blood. He gulps, taking in a huge breath. 

 

~~~

 

“NO! JOHN!” His body jolts awake as something shakes him. He frantically looks around. Orange eyes meet his.

“Bro? You alright?” Dirk looks at him, completely horrified.

Dave looks at him, tears in his eyes. “O-Oh God. B-Bro…” He buries his face in his brother’s chest.

“Dave…what the hell happened?” Dirk asked, still alarmed. He wrapped his arm around him.

He felt like he was going to throw up. He tried to settle his breathing, sweat dripping from his chin. He sat straight up, looking around. Clock…clock…clock…1:37a.m… He pushed Dirk out of the way, hurring to the living room.

“Bro?! What are you-?!” Dirk cuts off as he sees Dave pulls a jacket and shoes on. “Where in the hell do you think you’re goin’?” Dirk crossed his arms, raising an eyebrow.

“Bro…I’m sorry. I have to see him.” Dave reached for the knob to the front door, still shaking.

“No.” Dirk grabbed his arm. “Dave, you need to forget about him. It’s been two months. This is the like fifteenth dream you’ve woken up screaming about. What did he do to you?”

Dave let his eyes fall to the floor. How could he even begin to explain these dreams? Was there even a way? He took in a sharp breath, looking up at his brother. “This isn’t John’s fault.” He said sternly, yanking his arm away.

“Then why the fucking hell are you going over there?!” Dirk roared, more worried about Dave’s safety than anything.

Dave ignored his screams and protests, opening, closing and locking the front door. He hurried down the stairs, to the main doors, zooming down the street. He knew John hadn’t moved back home yet. It was impossible. Hell, he might’ve just moved in here… He hoped.

~~~

 

Somewhat frantic knocking woke him. He opened his eyes tiredly, trudging out of his bed. He reached for the lock on the door, pulling it open. A huge force slammed into him, sending him backwards. He wasn’t paying enough attention to hear anything.

“…ohn!” The voice yelled.

He blinked a few times, and then his eyes and ears began to focus. He couldn’t believe who was in his apartment clinging to him. 

“D-Dave..?” He asked, completely shocked. “What’re you…doing here?”

“I know…you probably don’t wanna see me…I just…fuck…” He stumbled over as many words as he could, trying to think of an explanation. He took a deep breath, pulling away from John. He looked at him, and then stopped speaking immediately. His eyes flickered to different spots on john’s body. Little tiny cuts covered the skin his could see. His heartbeat picked up, his mouth going completely dry.

John raised his hand to touch Dave’s forehead. “Dave..?

Dave blinked a few times, realizing he was hallucinating. “Oh God. John…” He wraps his arms around him again, burying his face in his shoulder.

“Dave, what happened?” A cloud of worry sets over him. He pats Dave’s back, wondering what’s wrong.

“It was awful…so fucking awful.* Tears formed in his red eyes. “I’m so sorry John… I didn’t mean to…”

John blinks. “Mean to what…?”

“N-Nothing. Never mind!” He pulled back, smiling. He didn’t want John to know. Although he knew he had to tell him. “John…I miss you…”

John’s aqua blue eyes grew wide. “W-What..?” His gaze was almost pleading.

“I know we broke up…and it was my fault…I just…miss you so much…” He took in a sharp breath. 

A bright red flush formed on John cheeks. “R-Really?” He asked his face lighting up.

“Yes…” He gulped, hoping he would say yes.

John looked, down, not knowing what to say. He fidgeted with his fingers. “I uh…” He bit his lip, his front teeth poking out. He squirmed somewhat. “Dave I don’t know what to say…”

Dave pouts somewhat. “I just…” He pauses. “…wanna sleep without hell for once…”

John’s eyes grow wide, his mouth wide open. “Y-You’re having them again?! Dave, why didn’t you tell me?!”

Dave lowered his head. “I didn’t think you cared…”

“Wha-?! Of course I care! Dave I lo-!” John cut off, thinking for a moment. He laced his fingers with Dave’s. “I love you.”

Dave looked up, his gaze finding John’s wonderful eyes. He took his face in his hands, leaning in and kissing him gently. He pulls away, looking at his breathtaking face. “John. I…We need to talk about something…” He began.

John stopped him. “No. Not right now. After you sleep without a nightmare for once. Come on…” He took his hand, guiding him to his room.

Dave had to admit, he was tired as fuck. John pulled him onto the bed, holding him close. He bought the blanket up to their torsos, kissing Dave lightly. He stroked his hair, whispering in his ear. Dave clung to his shirt, closing his eyes. And for the first time in a long time, he slept. Slept without Hell.

 

~~~

 

His eyes opened tiredly. He breathed in; John’s sent filling his senses. He smiled to himself, happy as hell. He snuggles closer to the warmth before him.

A low giggle sprang into his ears. “Good morning…” John’s smiling face fills his vision. 

He smiles at him. “Mornin’, beautiful.” He relied, causing John to blush a bit.

“How did you sleep?” He asked, a bit worried.

“Fantastic, thanks to you.” Dave moved an inch closer, kissing him on the nose. Another giggle found its way to Dave’s ears.

“I’m glad.” He nuzzled his face in Dave’s neck, cuddling him. It was like it used to be, but sadly, it wouldn’t last long. John frowned a bit, knowing in one minute Dave would pull away. He didn’t want him too. He wanted to stay like this forever. He had nowhere to go. Neither did Dave. And he didn’t want him to leave.

Dave stared down at John’s head, a light smile on his face. He didn’t want to leave. He was so warm. So happy. Tears began to burn in his eyes at the thought of John pulling away. He was cautious, waiting for John to move. But he didn’t. He lay there, his face in Dave’s neck, completely zoned out, but a smile was on his face.

“John.” He said breaking the silence. 

John looked up at him.

“We still need to talk…” He swallowed hard, dreading the thought.

John nodded. “Yeah. Let’s get that over with.” He sat up, leaving the warmth of Dave’s body. 

Dave sat up as well. They both headed to the living room.

~~~

 

John’s face was completely shocked. His body frozen. He had no idea what to say. All of the things he had just heard. All of the things he had just imagined. He had never thought that that was what happened to Dave in his dreams. He was terrified. And he felt horrible. He had said something to him that caused him so much pain. Even more so when he left him. So many nightmares about him. Him getting abused, tortured…even raped. And Dave couldn’t help it or stop it. How do you live with that image in your head? John didn’t know.

Dave had his head bowed. He didn’t want to see John’s face. Talking about it now would just bring more pain to look at him. See him crying blood. Or worse… Hell, he didn’t know what was gonna come next. All he knew is that John kept them away most of the time, and that was all he wanted. He just wanted to be safe with him. He wanted him to   
stay in his arms forever. Yet, he somehow knew that wasn’t possible. Something inside him was clawing at his stomach and his mind, screaming at him saying don’t get too close. 

Do get too attached. But, the problem was, was that he already was. He was hopelessly, uncontrollably in love with him. I

“Don’t fall in love…”


	3. I Will Stand By You

Chapter Three: I Will Stand By You

 

John stood straight up. He lunged at Dave, wrapping his arms around him.

Dave’s eyes grew wide. “J-John..?”

“Why didn’t you tell me, you big dummy?!” He squealed in Dave’s ear, holding him tighter. This whole entire time he thought Dave just used him for satisfaction, but in truth, he   
really did love him. He was so happy he could explode.

Dave smiled, tears in his eyes once more. He held John close to him. He never wanted to let go. He buried his face in John’s shoulder, propping him on top of him, so he was straddling him. He breathed against John’s ear, causing the boy in his arms to shiver.

“I want you…” He whispered seductively. 

John jerked back, staring at him with a surprised face. “R-Really?” He still hadn’t wrapped his head around the fact that Dave loved him.

Dave snickered. “Of course silly. Why would I lie?” He leaned in to kiss John, but was soon interrupted by his cell phone. Fuck… He thought. That was his Bro’s ringtone. He reached inside his pocket. 

John tried to get off of him, but Dave kept him still. He frowned a bit and Dave answered the phone.

“What Bro?” He snapped.

“Hey. Don’t treat me like that after running out on me and going missing for 12 fucking hours. You could’ve been dead.”

“Yeah, well, I’m not. I’m busy at the moment. Can I call you back?” Dave barked, running his hand up John’s thigh.

John’s body shivered, a small squeal coming up in his throat. He slapped his hand over his mouth, trying to hold it in.

Dave grinned somewhat, squeezing his side.

John yelped.

“Damnit Dave. Get home now.”

“No.” Dave’s hand went up John’s shirt.

“D-Dave..!” John hissed, trying to be unheard. 

“Excuse me?”

“I’m about to get laid Bro, can’t this wait?”

John’s eyes went wide. He smacked Dave.

Dave giggled a bit.

“I…” His Bro began. “Just be home by 8.” He said, and the line went dead.

Dave threw his phone onto the chair next to him, tickling John a bit more. “Now…” He pushed John’s shirt up. “Where were we?” He grinned

“B-But…Dirk…”

Dave frowned a bit. “You’re thinking about my Bro during a time like this? That hurts dude. That hurts…”

“N-No! I just…don’t wanna get you in trouble…”

Dave grinned once again, grinding his boner against John’s leg. “I think it’s a little late for that.”

John‘s eyes widened. His face flushed as he let out a small moan. “D-Dave…” He gulped. Gripping Dave’s shoulders for support.

“Yes?” He whispered, narrowing his eyes.

“…” John looked away, embarrassed, unable to speak his mind.

“Come on. Just tell me. It can’t be that bad.” Dave gave him a meek smile, tickling him a bit.

“I…” John let out a frightened breath. ‘Want you inside me.” He finished. He said it so low; he could scarcely hear it himself.

Dave felt the blush grow on his cheeks. Although it was such a low whisper, he could still hear him. He laughed a bit. “God Egbert. You must be teasing me.” He leaned in, kissing John hard. His tongue slid between their teeth, finding John’s with ease. His hands continued up John’s shirt, grabbing at him nipples.

“Mmm!” John moaned against Dave lips, flinching slightly from the pain.

Dave continued to kiss him, playing with his nipples a bit more. He reached down, about to clutch the front of John’s jeans, when his whole body froze up. Horrible images flashed through his mind. He shoved John away, crying out. 

John landed on the ground, his back nailing the corner of the table. He let out a small wine as he landed. He looked up at Dave, terrified. “D-Dave..?” He asked, a little scared.

Dave was looking down, his hands over his eyes. He was growling. His head slowly raised, nothing but black pits filling his eye sockets.

“D-Dave?!” John screamed, backing away.

An evil grin grew on Dave’s face. “Something wrong, Egbert?” His voice was low and dark.

John was shaking. “W-What…What happened to you..?”

“Nothing. Why?” Dave’s head cricked to the side sharply, s grin still on his face.

“C-Come Dave. Y-You’re freaking me out.” John shifted uncomfortably, his raging erection pressing against his jeans.

Dave’s eyes traveled down to John’s crotch. He licked his lips. “Well, well, well. What do we have here?”

John’s arms immediately slammed down in front of his bulge. “N-Nothing!” He exclaimed, blushing profusely.

Dave got down on his knees in front of John. “Liar.” He pulled John’s arms away with insane strength. He pinned the down above John’s head. He shoved John onto the ground, leaning in. “I hate liars.” Dave growled.

John was trembling as Dave stripped him of his clothing. He lay there, completely exposed, his hard on dripping with pre-cum. He squirmed under Dave, whimpering to be released. Dave’s mouth was rough against his body. Biting his nipples, sucking on his neck, and pumping his harder than usual. It was scary. And uncomfortable. John wined again, tears forming in his eyes. “Dave..!” John called out, trying to pull away.

Dave pulled back from John’s chest, red marks covering his body. He looked down at John’s huge blue eyes.

“Please. I don’t want this.” John cried.

Dave’s eyes narrowed. That pissed him off. He reached for John’s legs, holding one of them up with his free hand.

“Dave? No-Wait-Dave! It won’t fit! Dave it won’t-!” John cut off, throwing his head back. He screamed out in pain as Dave penetrated him. He swore something tore. He screamed louder, trying to push Dave off. “DAVE PLEASE! THIS ISN’T YOU! STOP! STOP!” He screamed louder, writhing in Dave’s grasp. He shook his head as Dave thrusted. “DAVE! LOOK AT ME!” John tried to get Dave’s attention.

Dave’s black eye met his.

“Please…Remember who you are…” John let another tear fall as he spoke.

Dave’s face softened. He blinked a couple times, the color soon returning to his eyes. He looked down at the shaking boy beneath him. No…He thought. He pulled away from John, almost scared of him. He was shaking his head, muttering no over and over.

John tried to sit up. Something began to trickle down his leg. A dark red pool was on the floor under him. Tears were still in his eyes as he struggled to get over to Dave. He placed his hand on his head, stroking his hair. 

“Shh…” He whispered in Dave’s ear. “Everything’s alright now. You’re okay.”

The sad thing was, was that nothing would ever be the same again.

Ever.

 

~~~


	4. The Beginning of the End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Really short, sorry 'bout that!

Chapter Four: The Beginning of the End

 

Dave stood at arms-length from a chattering John. His head was bowed as he listened to him talk about some insane new ride that had just come out somewhere in Texas. Dave would nod in response, but not really say anything. John stopped in his tracks, placing his hands on his hips.

Dave noticed this and stopped as well. He turned to look at him. His eyes were hallow, and emotionless. “Why’d you stop?” He asked quietly.

John narrowed his eyes. “You haven’t touched me all day. What’s up?”

Dave flinched at the word “touch”. He looked away, almost embarrassed. “I dunno.” Lie.

John’s face fell from suspicious to sad. He walked up to Dave and grabbed his hand.

Dave’s body went still, his eyes growing wide as he looked back at John.

John placed Dave’s cold hand on his cheek, smiling softly. “I’m not gonna break.” He whispered, closing his eyes, slowly rubbing his cheek against Dave’s hand.

“I know that…” Dave said, ashamed. He tried to pull his hand from the smaller man’s grip.

“No.” John said. He pulled Dave’s closer, grabbing his other hand as well. “Touch me more…” He whispered.

Dave’s eyes were full of fear. Not of John, but of himself. He shook his head vigorously. “John, I can’t. I don’t want-.”

“It won’t happen again.” John protested.

“How do you know?” Dave spat.

John took a step back from Dave, his tone a bit frightening. “I…” John thought a moment. “I don’t know. But I know I can control it if it does Dave. Just please. I’m going insane. You haven’t touched me in such a long time…” John had a seductive tone in his voice as he came towards Dave, grinding his hips against him. 

Dave gritted his teeth, trying to ignore the insanely sexually frustrated John rubbing against him.

“I know you want it Dave.” John’s voice startled Dave. He felt his jeans growing tight. He debated it immensely. He didn’t want what happened before to happen again, bu oh God was that Egbert attractive. Dave yanked John into his apartment after letting him chat at his door.

‘If I show any signs, please John. Stop me.” Dave said, forcing his lips against John’s.

“Promise.” John mumbled against the Strider’s lips.

Dave’s hand quickly searched the young man’s body, his lips rough against John’s. He bucked his hips against him, the heat driving him mad.

John moaned, bucking his hips again, pleading for Dave to touch him more.

Dave’s vision began to blur. Damnit. He thought, pulling away from John.

“John noticed this and furrowed his brow. He gently kissed Dave’s lips. “It’s okay. You’re still here.”

Dave pulled away completely. “John I can’t. I’m so, so sorry.” He bowed his head, ashamed. John’s hand met Dave’s shoulder.

“Then I think…” He took in a breath, tears pooling in his eyes. “…We need to take a break.”

“John no!” Dave yelled, grabbing him, his vision fading again. Tears fell from his eyes. He fell to his knees, clutching his stomach. “F-Fuck…”

“D-Dave?” John’s eyes grew wide at the sight of the blood. “DAVE?!” he screamed this time as Dave fell over, blood seeping from his lips. “DAVE! OPEN YOU EYES!” John shook him, his eyes closed.


	5. Alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The End.

Chapter Five: Alone

 

They said life, was a beautiful thing. How the hell is that true, when you barely live it? Do you just move on with your life in the next? Who the hell knows? It sucks ass, that’s for sure. Especially when you know the person. They just…leave. Right before your eyes. The person you loved the most. Gone. Without one word. Without one goodbye. All your friends try to comfort you. Try to tell you you’ll get over it. Well ya know what? Fuck them. They don’t know shit. They haven’t gone through this. They don’t know what you felt. To hold that dead body in your arms and cry, knowing it was your fault. Your goddamn fault!

 

You writhe in bed every dingle night crying yourself to the few hours of sleep you’ll get in a week. You wake up, your eyes burning. Your head pounding. But you get up. You move your ass and do what you need to get done. Then you come home and sit in the darkness of the room that you two shared, and you cry. You cry so much, you never think you can cry anymore. But you do. Oh God you do. You call that phone, just to hear their voice, knowing you won’t be able to hear it for long. You watch videos. You listen to recordings. You do whatever you can to make sure they’re still with you.

 

But then, there’s always that one thing. That one little tiny thing that bothered you so much. And to you, it was what the fuck happened. You were fine, then all hell broke loose. All those terrifying nights they woke up screaming your name. Or having their hands wrapped around your neck so tight you thought you might die. But they loved you so, so much, that they stopped. They realized it was you, and pulled away, crying to you how sorry they were.

 

Now you have those nights. You wake up, scared of your own body. You curl into a ball in the corner of your room, praying for daylight to come. You cry. Again. For the thousandth time. You never eat. You never sleep. You wait for the horrifying thing called “Death” to come and take you away. Take you to them. You just want to hold them again. Hug them. Kiss them. But you don’t die. You keep your heart beating because apparently whoever the fuck is running your life wants to keep you alive in this shithole. You pray for death, but he never comes. You try to end it yourself, but someone always ends up saving you.

 

You stay alone for a long time. Everyone asking if you’re alright, even though they know you’re not. They watch you pout. They watch you go through hell, but they do nothing to help you.

 

You soon just stop. You stop feeling. You stop thinking. It becomes easier. You become worse than you were, but you don’t care. You don’t give a fuck about anything or anyone now. Anyone could die and you wouldn't give a shit. You spat off at people. You get your ass kicked to the point you’re throwing up your own organs it seems. You sit alone at your computer, searching for God knows what. And that’s when you see it. It’s that person you’ve been running from. It was bound to happen. You break down. Every emotion you've been holding in comes crashing onto you like a ton of bricks. That’s when you find that courage. You plunge that knife into your heart, crying out their name. The last thing you see is their face, holding out their hand to you. And that’s when you know. You know you’re safe. You know you’ll be okay. You know.

 

You’re home.


End file.
